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Should You be Friend With Your EX After Break Up

Should You be Friend With Your EX After Break Up

Being friend with an ExBreaking up is never easy. Doesn’t matter how long the relation lasted. When two people decide to date it means you have emotional bonding, extra understanding for each other. The love and the compassion which happened naturally. And when the  two people decide to end the relation. This means letting everything go. It is hard for both, the one who wanted to break it and the one who got dumped.

There could be many reasons for breakup and the worse is when there is no reasons apart from compatibility or distance. You know, you love your partner but being together is not possible and you decide to breakup. So what next? Is breaking up means end of everything or does it mean start a new relation with your ex?

Hey Ex Lets be friend

When the break up happens the last thing that you would want to hear from your ex is WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS. It is not impossible but is it a good idea for two people who were once in love and shared passionto go down that road, avoiding all romantic feelings and sexual desire and remain just friends with ex?

Depending on how closely you were, how dependent you were and how long the relation lasted. The shorter the time spent with each, the higher probability to break free from emotion bonding and accept the other person as a friend. Some couples decided to stay friends rather than end everything as relation ends. But there are some who got too closed, too dependent on each other. That it becomes impossible to talk like friend or behave like one.

Being friend with an ex, is not easy, it needs commitment from both sides. Proper boundaries to be set and followed. But most importantly, mental stability and certainty. You must be sure the end of the relation is what you really wanted. Crossing boundaries will only damage the mental state of both sides and linger things. Which can cause misunderstanding and eventually will turn everything bitter. Breaking up and patching up on fights is the wosrt thing that happened in many relations.

It should be mutual from both the sides to decide to stay as freinds after the break up. However, be prepared to understand that it is not all that easy as it sounds. There will be times of emotional rides, conflicts in thoughts. There will be tension and anxieties of the past, blaming and tears. Knowing all possible scenario, be prepared to take it sportively. Keeping in mind that it is only temporary emotional overflow. Try to keep things simple and avoid fights and abuses. Else things could end really badly that not only you can’t be friends but you will start doubting the relation you had with that person.

Things to keep in mind while dealing with Ex as friend:

The whole being just friends thing journey is not going to be really nice and you will have many up’s and down. You have to be very patient and understanding with the whole relation here. Here are few things, which you might like to keep in mind:

Space:

I know, you are use to see your ex partner around but after breakup it’s not going to be the same. Forget those hours of conversation and sitting and talking for hours. You need to give emotional space to you and your partner. You can start as a friend but after a while, as after breakup you will be taking a roller coaster ride of after breakup effects. You may sound sarcastic or may not be yourself for a while. Take some time off, before you start talking with your ex and treat him like a friend.

Be ready for next:

Rebound and seeing your partner moving on with someone else is not going to be very pleasant. But if you decided to stay as friend with an ex, make sure you are ready for all the possibilities. You and your partner are going through emotional emptiness and that can only be filled by other sex who are more than friends. You need to clear your head and accept what mat about to come on your way.

No Physical love:

You and your partner used to make your bed sweat but after breakup, make sure you respect the feeling of ex. Yes, you shared those intimate moment and chances are high, when you are hanging out with your ex, drinking at some nice pub or any such weak moment can come which may lead both of you to that intimate days back. Avoid Avoid Avoid!!

Treat your ex as a person:

You were with your ex because you liked him as a person and not because he was dating you. You should start seeing your partner as a friend and understand him/her better that ways. You might be surprise to know how he/she thinks about everything after breaking up. This is the best time to explore and know your ex as a person.

You and your ex can be best of friend only when you have that kind of maturity and understanding. Believe it, it’s not going to be an easy journey but by the end it’s worth it. Since, you and your ex knows each other inside out, you can always have more fun together and a better understanding of each other choice. Just make sure, your ex is now EX, and it’s time for you to decide : To be friend or not to be.!!

Would you prefer being friend with your ex or once you breakup with your partner, he just get into list of found and lost love list? Do let me know via comment.

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I am Suman Doogar, I am a relationship blogger and a budding travel writer. I started writing 4 years back and with my experience in the field of psychology, I have been successfully contributing as an expert on love issues and relationships

{ 6 comments… add one }

  • Vivek July 23, 2012, 10:21 am

    I am in love with my best friend. She knows that well, because I told her without any expectations. We spent good time. she told me, she doesn’t feel same way for me, but really cares for me a very good friend. though I feel her emotions and a bit love for me when we are together and discuss the things. but now, she is going to marry some guy of her parents choice soon as her family can’t accept me because of my different caste. I am little sad inside, but still respect her decision and happy for her. She knows I am sad and tries her best so that I can overcome.

    We see each other everyday as we work at same place. So, it’s hard for me to forget her and I don’t want to. Its really hard but I am waiting until she get married. She is nice to me and I can’t ignore her.

    We have really natural bonding and she also feel same. We can’t be together, just because of caste issue. She is nice person. though she can’t be with me, I can’ remove her from my mind. She will be always there somewhere in my heart.

    Forgetting her is not option for me. Instead, I chose to keep loving her, accept the reality and be happy for her. This is giving me more strength. I feel vibe when I am with her. I am hoping, we will be best friends forever.

    Reply
    • Andr February 6, 2013, 4:03 am

      Are you going to live your life for 1 person, grow old like that and never marry? If she really cared about you she would say goodbye and part ways. She is keeping you around as an option just in case. She will love her husband, not you. Do you want to be someones option or someones first choice?
      Cut all contacts with her ASAP.

      Reply
  • hayate_kun September 4, 2012, 12:37 pm

    I broke up with my ex on 2008 after 2 years we had been together. After broke up,i moved on, deleted his number,our pictures,his stuffs and everything about him bcs i was pissed off.

    On 2010, my ex contacted me, i have no idea where he got my number. He was so nice to me, asking me if i had a boyfriend because he dont want to be the third person. So, i said it was okay bcs i wasnt in any relationship at the moment.

    As time goes by, we keep talking about that 5 years we had known each other. He always says that he cant forget me and i am the best person he had ever met. But everytime he talked stuff like that, i just smiled. No comment. Because i dont want him to get carried away. I want to stay as a friend with him because he is a nice guy.

    In 2011, we arranged a meet up. It has been 3 years since we meet each other. I’m so nervous that i’m afraid i will fall for him all over again. Surprisingly, when i met him, i feel annoyed. I thought i can accept him again, but the feeling is not there. Hence i think, we maybe just can be as good as friends.

    Reply
  • shikha February 17, 2013, 3:44 pm

    my boyfriend brokeup with me just bcz of silly conversation n nw he is all set to move on… i knw he loves me but he vl not going to tell me dis.. i try harder to get things normal but nthing works for me,,,
    he is saying i vl be ur friend alwazz ….

    Reply
    • Ruchi February 22, 2013, 2:15 pm

      Hey Shikha,
      You can’t force anyone to stay in your life. Only one thing you can do is to talk politely and try to know what he really want from this relationship. I don’t think that just because of one argument he want to move on… I think there would be more problems he is facing in this relationship, so try to find out and solve those problems.

      Reply
  • Fra August 12, 2013, 8:13 pm

    In a first relationship when you break up just because you failed to satisfy the girl whether by kissing or touching her., is it necessary for a guy to blame himself and what should be done to avoid the very scenario in the future relationships..? I need help please…

    Reply

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