There is this new guy who moved recently to your locality, and you are head over heels in love with him. He is the cutest guy you have ever laid your eyes on, you sneak a peek every night when he takes his dog for a walk.
He is messing up with your head in a big way but all you are doing is just day dreaming about him because you have no courage to go up to him to ask him out for a date over the weekend. Your friends are coaxing you to make a move but you are too shy to express your feelings to this hot stranger. Congratulations!! You are officially a secret admirer now.
Don’t be a Secret admirer – Admit your likeness
Most of the time people don’t want to admit their likeness for someone, in the fear of rejection, or don’t want to be the first one. Specially, if you are in love with your friend, you will find yourself in more confusing state.
Do remember, like the way your heart beats, other person heart beats the same way. All you need is a little push inside your head, and talk to the person. You don’t have to be blunt if you don’t like, but when you talk to the person you secretly admire, you will realise how easy it is.
It does kill you to hide your emotions every time you see him with a love struck puppy look. It is difficult to go on like this, because he does not know of your existence, let us tell you why you should not be a secret admirer:
`You do not exist’:
Being a secret admirer might sound tantalizing and mysterious but what is the point if he is not aware of your existence. You will just end up watching your sugar candy with some random girl on your way to college every day.
Green Eyed Monster:
`Jealousy is all the fun you THINK they had`, somebody rightly quoted as you will feel jealous each time you know that he is spending his free time with his `beer buddies`, going to watch a hockey match or playing PS3. He could be spending all that time with you if only you express your feelings to him.
Pillar of Strength:
I am sure you don’t want to end up alone in life, being a secret admirer is great till the time you enjoy being one but when you start sulking that’s when the problem arises. All spheres of your life gets effected, your academics, professional life, familial relationships, interpersonal relations with the peer group, in short everything gets caught under the fire. So it is better that you be vocal about your emotions and you never know He [your crush] might turn out to be your prince charming who will come rescue you from all the worldly problems. You will get a should to lean on and a hand that will hold you in adverse situations.
- Read: Dating tips for boys
Beginning of a new dawn:
Crushes come and crushes go, but only true love will survive the test of time. Give him a chance to fall in love with you. Tell him how much you `dig him` and make him feel that he is not a passing affair, any guy would like that. It will boast his male ego and you- my dear girl will be a winner.
He might think you are a pervert or worst a stalker if you keep on following your Crush; it is one of the biggest factor why you should not be a secret admirer. By going over the board you may scare off the guy of your dreams and he might think that it is creepy. It is always better to be simple and straight forward in your approach, saying `I really like you and would love to go out with you` sounds easy and will definitely make the other person blush. But if you say things like `I have been checking you out for over a month now and I want you to come with me for a long drive` will make him take a step backward.
Telling someone that you `like`/`love` them is not a crime or felony, instead it will make them happy that someone appreciates and love them for who they are. Just a note of caution don’t ever try to cross boundaries as a secret admirer, don’t sound desperate and respect other person`s privacy and dignity. I am sure you don’t want to be chased by the cops for stalking somebody. Let your feelings bloom and make it real. Do remember, if you will not ask, answer will always be no.
So move out of your comfort zone, and talk to the person and tell him/her how you feel, and you would like to go out on a date. 🙂
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portal kini says
its hurt when u just be secret admirer…
can hurt ur heart…
Suman Doogar says
I can totally empathize with you Portal Kini, the best way to deal with this heart is to express your feelings. Because if she/he doesnt know that you exist then how will she/he ever reciprocate your feelings.
I really feel shy o don’t know how to go about it
You know sometimes it is too much difficult to accept that you like someone and it make you a secret admirer by time and you come in a stage where you are unable to say anything to that person whom you are secretly loving but as you said taking an initiative is the only solution for gaining that love.
Suman Doogar says
Mishthi, if you are unable to say directly then try to employ methods where in you can drop subtle hints.
Tapas Wynn says
I 100% agree with this post! I think it is always good to express your feelings. The best about it is that you well get an instant reply and you dont have to wait for the other person to express!
Suman Doogar says
At least you will know when to move on instead of hanging on to something that doesnt make sense at the end of the day.
As someone who has had a secret admirer go overboard, I can definitely agree that engaging in stalking like behavior is definitely bound to scare the person you’re secretly admiring away. My secret admirer has only seen me twice, but went way overboard to the point where police, security at my workplace, management at my workplace, my school, and my family has had to step in.
I will make a point to say that I don’t think my “secret admirer” was really a secret admirer but more of a love obsessive stalker. Not to say that every secret admirer is some obsessive stalker, but just from my experience especially since the guy had a female friend who befriended me to get personal information.
It seems my post has become more of a rant, as the situation is being handled right now. The point of my post is don’t be a creeper! And, definitely don’t try to get personal information about them from someone else or from watching them. Just be upfront and tell them how you feel. It will save you a lot of time, and potentially facing charges!
Whew. Here it goes. Let’s just use a sub for my crushes name. Starbucks. That is my code name for talking about him in crowded places w/ my lil sis. Starbucks used to hav a locker underneath me. He was cute but I didn’t think much of him. Then when soccer was rolling around I started to feel feelings for him. But he in my mind was “ off limits” he always had a girl and he was a year younger than me. It has almost been a year now and everytime I go to the first floor I stare at him in that fleeting moment. At first it was a harmless crush, now I’m listening to sad songs over him. There hav been a few times where we’ve caught our gaze for too long and he winks and looks away. I’ve sat next to him in study hall and looked at his cute hair while he worked maybe a little longer than I normally do cuz his eyes were down. Nothing stalkerish. I’m too far down the road to ask now because of fear of embarrassment and I’m too young to date, so he would just know and that’d be kinda awkward. I don’t know what to do. It feels a lot better than I thought to pour my feelings out to strangers 😂. I hope 🤞 for a response but because of how late I am I don’t expect one.
I am a man and i am falling in love with a man. I dont know how to tell him. In one way i am afraid because i dont want people know that am gay. What shoud i do..?
Hey I really like this guy. I told him m crushing on him but he told me that he sees me as a regular friend. Is there any chance that we will date each other some day.