Most of us fall in love quickly and we break up quicker. In our generation breakup is common because most of us are afraid of commitment or lack patience and trust. “Unconditional Love“ is just a phrase now and hardly anyone experiences that amazing feeling of loving someone unconditionally. Whatever may be the reason for the breakup, it is tempting to be friends with your ex. There has always been a debate about is it ok to be friends with your ex or not?
Even if you will ask your friends or even experts about getting into a complex friendship relation with your ex-romantic partner, you won’t get any satisfactory answers. Why so? Because everyone’s situation is different. It’s better to look at your emotional maturity level about the situation and then decide what’s right for you. Here are a few signs which will help you to decide whether you are emotionally strong to be friends with your ex or not.
You moved on:
Under no circumstance, you should think about being friends with your ex if you both haven’t moved on. Of course, you can’t tell about their true feelings, but here are a few things to consider to make sure you have moved on from the baggage of the relationship. The foremost question to ask yourself is that are you content with yourself, no matter if you are in a relationship or single. Your ex is no more in your thoughts or conversations. You both can hang out with common friends without being weird or losing your calm.
You can be sure that you are moved on when you are comfortable discussing with them about their current partner without getting jealous. You don’t miss being in a relationship with them, looking at the chemistry with their new partner, you can certainly consider being friends with your ex.
If you are considering becoming friends with your ex, you must rethink, why your ex-partner? I mean there are millions of people out there to make friends and in the digital era, it’s super easy to find like-minded people. Then why do you want to be friends with your ex? There might be a few reasons like:
- They broke up with you and now you want to take revenge ( the worst reason).
- You are lonely.
- You are not sure that breaking up with them was a good idea, you are having second thoughts about it.
- You want to be in friends with benefits situation.
- Jealous of their current partner.
- You feel bad for leaving them and have guilt/sympathy towards your ex.
There might be more reasons, but if you have any of the above reasons, then I would suggest backing off and restart your life. None of these reasons are healthy enough to be friends with your ex and you will end up hurting yourself or another person in the process.
You could surely think of being friends if you miss them as a friend. He/she might get the best in you or you both connect well on an emotional level. That is he/she was great as a friend, but not compatible as a partner.
It is very common to feel attraction towards an ex. Even after months apart when you are absolutely sure that you are not attracted to them anymore, you spend time with them in a social setting and after a few shots, you find it hard to keep your hands off them. You fantasize about them or do plan about meeting them alone for some fun time, which is quite common during the moving-on phase, but it only makes the process of moving on worse. Unless your feelings for them have been completely worn-out, it is normal to feel attraction towards your ex.
Thus, if you feel that the attraction still exists then it’s better to not make the situation messy and stay in no-contact with your ex.
The major part of the decision to start a friendship with an ex depends on how you both broke up, was it a mutual decision or a messy breakup? If you didn’t hurt each other’s ego or reputation in the process and you thought that you can be better as friends rather than to be in a romantic relationship or you don’t resent them and not playing blame games anymore. Rather you both parted ways on a positive note and still communicate in a friendly manner when you meet, then you can think of gradually starting a friendship with your ex.
After reading the above signs, if you feel that you have already moved on and ready to be friends with your ex again. I would suggest you think twice before doing that because there will be times when you or your ex would go weak in the knees. If you are prepared for such situations and emotionally mature enough to maintain the boundaries then go ahead and consider being friends with your ex. Meanwhile, don’t forget to share your current dilemma about the same with us in the comments.